One of the most common questions I get—whether it’s at a clinic, in a mentorship week, or here at the ranch—is about softness and collection. Everybody wants a horse that’s soft in the bridle, connected through their body, and able to stay balanced when things speed up.

But here’s the problem: a lot of what gets repeated in horsemanship sounds good, yet doesn’t fully explain how horses actually learn.

Sayings like “soft hands create soft horses” or “teach the horse to give to pressure” aren’t completely wrong—but they’re incomplete. And when they’re misunderstood, they can actually slow your progress down.

Softness Isn’t About Avoiding Contact

Softness does not come from avoiding contact or riding with barely any feel. And it definitely doesn’t come from pulling a horse’s head into position and hoping the rest of their body follows.

What creates softness is clear signals, correct timing, and consistent releases.

Horses don’t learn from pressure alone. They learn from the release—from finding the answer and being rewarded with comfort when they get it right.

The Difference Between Signals and Manipulation

One of the biggest mistakes I see is riders sending multiple signals without realizing it.

Pull.
Pull a little more.
Pull again.
Then finally release.

What that teaches the horse is that the first three signals don’t matter.

Instead, I want one clear signal.

When I slide my hand down the rein, I take the slack out and apply contact to a consistent spot. I don’t keep increasing pressure. I hold that contact and let the horse find the release point themselves. The moment they soften—I release.

That’s not teaching pressure. That’s teaching the answer.

Manipulation is forcing a horse into a position. Training is helping them understand how to find it on their own.

What Collection Really Is (and Isn’t)

Collection is not pulling a horse’s head down into a vertical position.

You can have a horse’s head low and still have a hollow back, a stiff rib cage, and a disengaged hind end. That’s not collection—that’s just head placement.

True collection happens when:

The rib cage lifts
The back flattens
The hindquarters step underneath
The horse gets off your hands and stays there

And that only happens when the horse understands the signal and seeks the release.

On the front end, that process can take time—and that’s where patience matters. If you take the time early to let a horse truly learn what the signal means, you get that time back tenfold later.

Clear Signals Create Soft Horses

Soft hands don’t create soft horses. Clear signals do.

Once a horse truly understands your signals, then you can ride with softer, smaller cues. But starting there often creates confusion, not softness.

A firm signal isn’t a bad signal—as long as it’s clear and followed by a release at the right moment. Horses are far more comfortable with clarity than they are with uncertainty.

Why Time in the Saddle Matters

Most of us struggle with patience. We feel the pressure of busy lives and long to-do lists. It’s hard to slow down and spend 25 minutes fixing one small thing.

But if you do that work now, your horse will reward you later—with better responses, better balance, and far less resistance when the pressure is on.

There’s no shortcut here.

You don’t develop timing, feel, or confidence by thinking about it. You develop it by riding—by making mistakes, getting answers, and learning from experience.

That’s why I tell my interns the same thing I’ve told myself my entire career:
If you want to ride better, ride more.

Every ride teaches you something. Even the frustrating ones. Especially the frustrating ones.

And if you’re unsure about something—don’t keep guessing. Go get the answer. Ask the question. Make the call. Take the lesson. Because riding without confidence creates unclear signals every time.

Keep investing in your growth. Keep working on yourself. If you do that, the results will come.

Explore More Episodes