Ep 173: Dealing with Loss
Loss is part of living. It’s not something we like to talk about, but it’s something that we all deal with. I received this message in my inbox a few weeks ago, and I felt that it deserved an episode that spoke to this topic:
“Hi, Phil. I just lost a special horse in a freak and tragic pasture accident. We had so many dreams together that shattered in that moment. He was just 8 years old, and the loss was gruesome and unexpected. I know that this has happened to other passionate horse owners. Can you address the topic of tragic loss of a beloved partner and moving forward? I've been focusing on being your best and strive to be 1% better each and every day since attending one of your clinics in South Dakota about 2 years ago. There must be others who can use a little wisdom and encouragement when it comes to picking up the broken pieces and moving forward.”
As horse owners, loss is unfortunately a situation that many of us will encounter at least once in our lives. When we lose a horse, we are not only losing that animal; we are losing the hopes, dreams and expectations that went along with it.
With the loss of a horse, there is not only is there an emotional loss to deal with, but oftentimes a financial loss as well. I can say from experience that it never gets any easier, but we do get stronger.
It's ironic that I got this message this week because we're actually dealing with some situations right now that have been challenging and disappointing. While we haven’t necessarily dealt with the loss of a life, we’ve dealt with the loss of use. And sometimes, the feelings that accompany this kind of loss are nearly as devastating.
When it comes to preventing these kinds of situations, I like to believe that we are all smart people–we try really hard to keep our horses in situations where they're going to be safe. We do our best to put them in situations where survival should be a non-issue. And yet, we still have it happen.
It is really hard to understand why we lose something that we love and put so much work into. You feel like all the goals, dreams and expectations you had with that animal are gone in that moment–and unfortunately, in some cases, they are. At the moment, the loss seems huge. That’s because it is. But at the same time, we owe it to ourselves and those horses to not dwell on that loss. We have to pick ourselves up, and keep moving.
We all go through these times in life where we try to have perspective, focus on the positive and keep moving forward. But if we’re being honest, these are the times where the barriers in front of us seem impossible to climb. Those times in our lives are 100% a mental battle, but physically, we have to get ourselves up and move. When we move ourselves physically, we change ourselves mentally.
Your mind can only occupy one thought at a time–good or bad, positive or negative. If you sit and allow yourself to dwell in your own thoughts, you tend to spiral to places you don’t want to go to. You can’t control the first thought that comes into your mind, but you can control how you react to it. You can choose to stay still, or to get up and move.
I can choose to think about what I’ve lost, or I can choose to be grateful for the time I had to enjoy the thing I lost. If I had to choose to not have had that time with someone or something that I lost or to have not had to go through the experience of losing them at all, I would choose to have that thing 100 times out of 100.
If I had to choose to not go through that loss or to have not had time with that horse at all, I would choose the time I had with that animal 100 times out of 100. You can often tell the value and joy of the experience by how much the loss hits you. And, how blessed are we to have those kind of experiences that make the losses so difficult? You can’t control that initial feeling of grief, but you can choose whether your next thoughts are filled with grief or gratitude.
Loss is inevitable; it’s part of life. The lesson here is: Enjoy and appreciate every day, every moment. Don’t take any of it for granted. Every person, every horse, every experience was put into your life for a reason. Be grateful for the time you had, and be appreciative for having the opportunity to experience those good experiences at all.
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