Ep 104: Dealing with Frustration
This episode was inspired by a question submitted by one of our listeners:
Phil, I would like to know your opinion on 'frustration?' I believe if a horse or rider is frustrated, it's time to stop, re-group and plan for another day. A trainer friend of mine disagrees and will push the rider or the horse even if one or the other are in a current state of frustration. I think no good can come from pushing once either is in that mindset. Respectfully would like your opinion?
I would be willing to bet that most of you are listening or reading along with this episode nodding your heads saying, “yep, I’ve been there.” In my opinion, the answer to this question isn’t black and white. It is situational.
In horsemanship, the odds aren’t exactly stacked in our favor. There are two animals--yourself and the horse--who don’t understand the same language. One of these animals is 5-6x bigger than the other. When all of these factors come into play, we find ourselves in a situation where it is somewhat of a daunting task to get these two beings on the same page.
In general, I try to approach training through understanding, not fear. Meaning, I approach training from a place of empathy and understanding rather than anger. I believe that horses respond in a certain way for a reason, so I try to be understanding of why they are doing so rather than trying to elicit fear in that animal when it makes the wrong move.
Ray Hunt, who I consider to be one of the best horsemen and communicators out there, once told me, “sometimes, it gets worse before it gets better.” By this, he meant, sometimes, when you apply pressure or contact to a horse, they may not always find the response immediately. Sometimes, their first reaction will be a negative response before they find the right answer. This is simply because they don’t understand what we are asking them to do.
In these situations, I stick with it until my horse finds the correct response. But, here’s the key: I am confident that I am asking for these responses in the correct manner. I am not applying an excessive amount of pressure or putting the horse in a situation where it feels threatened. In this situation, there is only one frustrated animal--the horse. I, in no way, feel frustrated about the way I am asking or how long it is taking my horse to find the correct response. In these situations, I stick with it and do everything I can to help alleviate my horse’s frustration.
However, I also believe there is a time to take a step back and give yourself and your horse some time to decompress. If you find yourself in a position where you have two frustrated animals (yourself and the horse), it may be time to take a breather.
If I find myself in a situation where I have one or two frustrated animals, I don’t necessarily quit and call it a day. But, I will take a step back and give both animals some space. I strongly believe in ending on a positive note, so I will take however much time I need to get myself back into the headspace where I can make that happen.
Horsemanship is a thinking game. You have to have control of your thoughts and emotions. And truly, the same is true about many situations in life. Most situations are going to be made better if you have control over your thoughts and emotions. Personally, I know that getting control of my thoughts and emotions puts me in a position to make better decisions.
When I have control of my thoughts and emotions, I am able to make better decisions about what my next steps should be. I am able to determine whether this is a situation that I need to work through. Or, I can determine if this is one of those situations when it is time to take a step back, get control of my thoughts and emotions, and start fresh.
There is no one in the world exactly like you. And, there is no horse exactly like another horse. That is what makes the horsemanship journey so great. When you get in situations where you or the horse become frustrated, look at each situation individually, and be aware of where you are at mentally and emotionally. Sometimes, taking a brief pause is all you need to get back on the right track and get your 1% improvement for the day.
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